Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I have a fig.


Phew, what a wonderful break!  Thanks for letting me take off for a short while.  I spent my time stuffing Half Baked Ice Cream down my throat and setting up my new imac.  My mind feels refreshed and renewed and I am ready to blog again.

One of the main reasons I had to take a break was due to the fact that I just haven't been feeling well.  This is due to my fig.  It's not really a fig, that's just how big Baby Center told me our little baby is at 11 weeks.  We are expecting again and this baby really wants to make sure I know it is there.  I have been sick all day every day which really makes being productive a challenge.  I finally got some meds yesterday that seem to help, but make me extra specially sleepy.  Better sleepy than sick though!

We are excited for a new little baby, but if I am being completely honest I have been completely terrified.  This pregnancy definitely has a shadow of fear looming over it after the loss of Michael.  I can't help but wonder if this little one will be healthy or not.  The doctor's at Primary Children's assured us that it would be almost impossible for us to have another child with Ebstein's, because it is so rare to have it in the first place.  To have it occur twice is unheard of.  But still, there is the fear that something else will be wrong.  I am trying to replace that fear with faith.

Yesterday at my doctor's appointment, my fear was smothered by hope.  It didn't start out so great as the nurses didn't know that I had given birth to our stillborn son last November.  According to their records, I should have had a 5 week old.  My doctor had forgotten to close out the pregnancy in his files, so there was a bit of confusion during the questioning part of the whole appointment.  After explaining to the nurse, she confirmed by saying "So, this is your third pregnancy.  You have had two deliveries but have only one living child?".  I nodded my head and fought away the tears as she typed away on her computer.

I soon forgot about the awkward moment as I heard the little pitter-patter of a heartbeat coming from the doppler.  This time I didn't fight the tears.  I couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude for this new life growing in my belly.  The hope that strong heartbeat brought filled my heart and soul.  The doc said all was well and we could schedule an ultrasound in the future for a more detailed look.  He also said I was measuring at 12 weeks, even though I look like I am about 20 weeks (thanks to my post-pregnancy belly that is still hanging around- literally).

I think the most touching part of this pregnancy is the fact that this baby is due just days before Michael's birthday.  Which means another Thanksgiving baby.  I look forward to telling this baby about it's big brother Michael and, who knows, maybe they will share the same birthday!

"Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey towards it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us."
- Samuel Smiles

p.s. there are two awesome videos out right now. Be sure to check them out here and here.

20 comments:

  1. Hooray for hope! Deep breaths, you can do this.

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  2. Congratulations Hill, this is wonderful news.I am sure everything will be fine, you are such a wonderful mom.

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  3. I'm so excited for you Hil! I'm sorry that there are always so many difficult times like the one at the doctor's office, but I'm continually impressed by your ability to find hope and joy in all things.

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  4. i am so so happy for you. a strong heartbeat is always the best sound. am sorry the office staff was lame and tactless. seriously, what a joke. luckily you are patient and kind and forgiving. am delighted with your good news. hooray for a happy family, i wonder if it's a brother or sister.

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  5. Oh yea! Congrats! You are amazing! You've got this in the bag!

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  6. Congratulations! Hopefully the sickness clears quickly.

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  7. Oh this is amazing news, Hil. Congrats! I am so happy for you.

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  8. I hate when I have to answer that "how many pregnancies have you had?" question too.
    It is so awkward for us, so routine for them.

    So happy for you. Glad the meds are working.

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  9. Such good news! I am sorry about the bad experience at the doctor's office.

    I love both of those videos! So fantastic. Good luck with everything!

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  10. Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. I love reading your thoughtful perspective.

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  11. The thought actually went through my mind when you said you were taking a break. I am happy for you guys and hope that all goes well. Get some rest and enjoy!!

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  12. I can't tell you how happy I am for you. That would be absolutely amazing if this baby shared the same birthday as little Michael! Congratulations a thousand times over!

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  13. congrats! this is very exciting news! your little fig is in god's hands...so very safe! :) it is hard to remember that sometimes...can't wait for more updates!

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  14. That is such good news Hil! I think that's great that you are due close to Michael's birthday. It will give you something to look forward to when that time comes around. It will give you two wonderful things to be thankful for at Thanksgiving.

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  15. Hil, I'm so happy for you! How blessed you are to have another baby on the way. Congrats!!

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  16. Congrats! I am so excited for you!!

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  17. oh, congratulations! what did mothers ever do before they could hear that little heartbeat? i am so happy for you!

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  18. Congratulations! I have been reading your blog for awhile now (love it btw!) and I am so happy for you and your family! You are a strong woman, and I really admire you. :o) Happy Mother's Day

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  19. heartfelt congratulations - this is very happy news. I pray that you are able to keep faith and push away the fear... You are an amazing woman {and excellent blogger!}. Thank you for sharing your thoughts {and talents on my blog!} with us.

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