Saturday, February 27, 2010

A Letter to My Baby - 3 Months



Michael-

Today marks three months since we lost you, but it feels like much longer than that.  It's hard to believe that you were still in my womb that short time ago.  This month has been an exciting one, however.  Probably the most exciting month we have had since we lost you.  The reason for such excitement is that I have been raising money for the Ebstein's Anomaly Foundation, in hopes to help others with the disease that took you from us.

The last three months have been a roller coaster ride of emotions.  You'll be glad to know that I am happy more often now.  It isn't as hard but happiness is still a choice I have to make every morning when I get out of bed.

I washed your blanket today, the one they wrapped you in right after I had you.  I haven't wanted to for fear of losing your scent, but realized that it had to be done.  It is now folded sitting neatly with the molds that the sweet nurse made of your hands and feet.

I think a lot of people have forgotten about us losing you.  They expect us to be back to normal by now.  I suppose we are back to normal, but it is a different normal.  We wouldn't want to go back to the normal we had before, otherwise we would have learned nothing from this experience.  I hope you know that I will never forget.  I can't ever forget.  You have changed me forever.

I still can't help but think of the blessings we have experienced in the past three months.  The fact that we had to go through this horrible, awful, no good experience is truly a heartache.  However, I have felt the love of our Heavenly Father every.step.of.the.way.  I am so grateful for that.  I know He is watching over both of us and that gives me such great comfort.

I love you Michael!

Love,
Your Mommy

8 comments:

  1. Nothing makes tear drops come quicker than by reading your experience you had and will continue to have. I am so glad that you are sharing it. Each time I read it I feel like being a better, kinder, more Christ-like person. Life is so good but so tough all at the same time. I sincerely hope that you are doing well and that you continue to let the Lord wrap you in His arms! And He will. Anytime you need Him to. Much love from the Shurtliffs.

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  2. Those molds are perfect... I wish I had some of those. Beautiful letter Hil.

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  3. I don't think I have read anything as beautiful and heartfelt as your letters to Michael. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and your emotions.

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  4. your posts about michael always make me tear up. i wanted to say something to you at church today, and now realize i really should have, but i didn't want us both to become little bawl babies. you are so strong and such an incredible example. i definitely think your time to miss him and remember him can last eternally, as you will always look forward to being with him. i am thinking of you tonight..

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  5. I'm so sorry. What a beautiful post.

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  6. Dear Hil, your letters to your baby are beautiful and so touching.Your blog and your post help me to become a better mom and to apreciate what I have.
    Thank you for sharing your experinces with us.

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  7. Very sweet. I can't imagine the pain of loosing a child. You are such an example.

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